The Expansive Well-Wishing Practice: A Fresh Take on an Ancient Intention

By The Mindful Leader Team

In the landscape of mindfulness practices, few techniques spark as much confusion and resistance as loving-kindness meditation. While its intentions are beautiful, many practitioners struggle with the prescribed phrases, forced emotions, or cultural elements that can feel inauthentic or overwhelming. What if there was a simpler, more direct way to cultivate goodwill toward ourselves and others?

Enter Expansive Well-Wishing, a practice developed as part of the Open MBSR framework. This isn't about replacing loving-kindness meditation entirely. It's about creating a more accessible pathway to the same fundamental human capacity: our ability to wish others well.

Why Traditional Loving-Kindness Falls Short

Traditional loving-kindness/metta meditation, rooted in Buddhist tradition and adapted through various Western and quasi-Buddhist approaches, often creates unexpected barriers for practitioners:

The Visualization Problem: Many loving-kindness approaches require practitioners to visualize "beaming rays of light" or "warm energy" toward others. Beyond being inaccessible for those who don't visualize easily, these guided imagery techniques can be used unskillfully and even dangerously. Visualization practices can be particularly problematic in group settings where they may trigger trauma responses or create dependency on external guidance. We believe practitioners should maintain full agency over their inner experience rather than being directed through potentially manipulative imagery.

The Feel-Good Trap: Loving-kindness is often marketed as a pathway to warm, fuzzy feelings, but this misses the practice's deeper purpose and can transform it into a form of pleasure-seeking. When the focus shifts to chasing positive emotions, the practice becomes about getting something rather than giving something. This can actually increase suffering when the expected good feelings don't arrive, turning what should be a practice of selfless goodwill into another form of self-centered acquisition.

The Forced Love Problem: Perhaps most fundamentally, loving-kindness asks practitioners to manufacture love on command, reciting phrases like "May you be happy" toward difficult people as if willpower alone can summon genuine affection. But love cannot be forced or hurried. It's an organic emergence, not a scripted incantation. This forcing often leads to mechanical, hollow experiences that breed more aversion than compassion.

Cultural Transplantation Issues: Traditional metta developed within a comprehensive Buddhist ethical and philosophical framework over centuries. Western adaptations often strip away this context while keeping the structure, creating what amounts to a cultural transplant without the supporting system that made it work originally.

Why "Expansive Well-Wishing"?

We chose this name deliberately to reflect both our intentions and our approach:

"Expansive" captures the essential movement of the practice. It suggests extending goodwill outward in expanding circles, from self to others to community. It suggests growth and opening rather than forcing or manufacturing.

"Well-Wishing" is clearer and more accessible than "loving-kindness." It describes exactly what we're doing: the simple, universal human act of wishing others well. No cultural translation needed, no emotional expectations attached. Just the straightforward intention of goodwill.

This naming reflects our commitment to derivation over recontextualization. Rather than taking a Buddhist practice and trying to make it secular through language changes alone, we've derived a new practice that captures the essential wisdom while creating a form authentically suited to contemporary contexts.

The Core Principles

Expansive Well-Wishing embodies several key Open MBSR principles:

Authenticity over Formula: Rather than repeating phrases that might feel foreign, you choose words that feel genuine and use them consistently throughout. This honors your authentic experience rather than imposing external formulas.

Intention over Emotion: The practice focuses on the simple act of wishing well, not on generating particular feelings or states. If you don't feel warm or loving, that's perfectly fine. The intention itself is what matters.

Agency over Guidance: No visualization or guided imagery that could manipulate your inner experience. You maintain complete control over what arises in your awareness.

Simplicity over Complexity: No elaborate instructions, visualization requirements, or prescribed sequences. Just the natural human capacity to extend goodwill.

Individual Pace: You move through the practice at whatever rhythm feels right, spending as much or as little time with each person or group as feels appropriate.

The Practice: Your Turn to Try

Here's a simple way to explore Expansive Well-Wishing:

Setup

• Find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down
• Close your eyes or soften your gaze
• Take a few natural breaths to settle

The Practice

1. Begin with Yourself (Essential) Start by directing well-wishes toward yourself. Choose a simple phrase that feels authentic, such as:

• "May I be well"
• "I wish myself peace"
• "May I be safe and healthy"

Whatever phrase you choose, you'll use this same phrase throughout the practice.

2. Expand to a Loved One (Essential) Bring to mind someone you care about. A family member, friend, or even a pet. Using your chosen phrase:

• "May you be well"
• "I wish you peace"
• "May you be safe and healthy"

3. Include a Neutral Person (Optional) Think of someone you know but feel neutral about. Perhaps a cashier you see regularly or a neighbor you wave to. Using the same phrase:

• "May you be well"
• "I wish you peace"
• "May you be safe and healthy"

4. Embrace a Difficult Person (Optional) If it feels manageable, bring to mind someone you have conflict with or find challenging. This doesn't mean you need to like them or agree with them. Simply extend the same basic wish using your chosen phrase:

• "May you be well"
• "I wish you peace"
• "May you be safe and healthy"

5. Expand to All (Optional) Finally, let your well-wishes extend outward using your phrase:

• "May all beings be well"
• "I wish all beings peace"
• "May all beings be safe and healthy"

Adapting the Practice

While starting with yourself (1) and including a loved one (2) forms the essential foundation, you can adapt the remaining groups based on what feels right for you in any given session. Some days you might work through all five groups. Other times, you might focus just on yourself and loved ones, or perhaps include the broader community. The framework provides guidance while allowing for authentic expression.

Key Reminders

• Choose one phrase and stick with it throughout the entire practice
• Focus on intention, not emotion. You're extending a wish, not trying to generate feelings
• No visualization required. Simply hold the person or group in mind
• Don't force anything. If you don't feel warm or loving, that's perfectly fine
• Move at your own pace. Spend whatever time feels right with each person or group

Beyond the Cushion

Like all mindfulness practices, Expansive Well-Wishing isn't confined to formal meditation periods. You can use this approach:

• While stuck in traffic (extending goodwill to other drivers)
• Before difficult conversations (wishing well for all involved)
• When feeling frustrated with someone (as a way to soften reactivity)
• During moments of conflict (silently wishing for everyone's wellbeing)

The Evolution of Practice

Expansive Well-Wishing represents a broader principle within Open MBSR: honoring the essence of traditional practices while making them more accessible and authentic for contemporary practitioners. It's not about discarding wisdom from the past. It's about allowing that wisdom to evolve in service of more people.

By addressing the fundamental issues with traditional loving-kindness meditation (the problematic visualization, emotional expectations, and cultural transplantation issues), we've created a practice that maintains the essential intention while removing unnecessary barriers and potential dangers.

Try the practice for yourself. Notice what arises when you strip away the complex instructions and focus simply on the human capacity to wish others well. The framework provides clear guidance while allowing for personal authenticity within that structure.

After all, in a world that often feels divided and contentious, the simple act of wishing well might be more radical than we realize.

The Expansive Well-Wishing practice demonstrates how we can move beyond Buddhist entanglement by deriving new practices rather than simply recontextualizing traditional ones. This approach (honoring ancient wisdom while creating forms that authentically serve contemporary needs) is explored throughout Mo Edjlali's upcoming book, Open MBSR: Reimagining the Future of Mindfulness.

This article is part of our Exercises & Practices Series where we offer unique practices designed to support personal growth and professional development for you to explore and share.